Life as a Mommy

It has been such a crazy journey so far in my new adventure as a Mommy that I have not had time to stop and take it all in. It is such an amazing thing to have this little baby begin it's life inside of you and then to watch it grow once it is outside of you. That in itself is a miracle. The moment that cry is heard for the first time you instantly become a Mommy. Instantly forgetting they are still sewing on you or whatever but all your focus is away from your discomfort and placed on this living miracle. Up to that point in my journey I was a "normal" mommy. The next day we found out our angel had her heart condition and it all changed. My story would forever be different from most anyone I would ever talk to. So many women only days before discussed being pregnant together, shared our stories and they were all the same. Talking to those same friends with their babies now who are all about the same age we no longer have this same connection to discuss where our kids are developmentally. I am thankful my baby girl is here and really thankful she is so tiny still and enjoying every move, every new discovery she makes, every new noise.. I love it all. But when I look at her and realize she is a week away from being 8 months and as all mom's do look at other 8 month olds I can't help but feel a little.. I do not even have a word for it but different. I have no point of reference to know she is doing what she is suppose to do. Most babies her age are spoon feeding, sitting up on their own and eating more then 20 oz a day. I feel like Jenny is making progress and doing better then she was but, as all mom's do, I worry is she catching up? And then in worrying that I feel guilty for not being just grateful she is developing in all the necessary areas even if it is a lot slower then most her age. Even typing this now.. I think I should not even post this but I can't help but feel that other mom's with these special little kiddos struggles the same. My husband and I find ourselves for the most part just taking in all she does and second guessing when we should try spoon feeding, should we just keep at it or push it or just let her develop in her own time. My only gauge is her cardiologist who says she is doing great. So we have resigned ourselves to just accepting she is continuing to develop at her own rate and that it does not have to be measured by other baby norms she is working on her own scale!! We are getting some peace in this and just enjoying each new skill she learns in awe and wonder as most parents do.